Top Three Ways I Deter Telemarketers

3. Hang up. This isn't very creative, and sometimes they call back. However, you can always hang up again. This strategy works best if there is a second or two of silence when you answer the phone.

2. Tell them the person that they are looking for is not home.
Best Case:
ME: "Hello"
THEM: "Hello, is Mrs. MyLastName there?"
ME: "No she isn't, may I take a message."
THEM: "No thanks, I'll just call back."

Average Case:
ME: "Hello"
THEM: "Hello, is Mrs. MyLastName there?"
ME: "No she isn't, may I take a message."
THEM: "Well, is Mr. MyLastName there?" (This could be me, but I don't own the home)
ME: "No he isn't."
THEM: "Ok I'll try again at another time."

Worst Case
ME: "Hello"
THEM: "Hello, you won something blah blah blah. I just need to confirm that you are the home owner. You are the home owner right?"
ME: "No."
THEM: "Do you mortgage?"
ME: "No."
THEM: "Do you rent."
ME: "No."
THEM: (silence) click

2. Tell them that the person they are looking for is in the bathroom shoving torpedoes up their butt.

Prior to a phone call, Mr. MyLastName tells me that he has to take anal suppositories (medicine shaped like little torpedoes) for his hemorrhoids (lumps on his ass). Then, the phone rings while he is in the bathroom

4YR. OLD ME: "HELLO"
THEM: "Hello, may I speak to Mr. MyLastName?"
4YR. OLD ME: "No, he's in the bathroom shoving torpedoes up his ass." Then, I hang up.
Mr. MyLastName: "Who was that?"
4YR. OLD ME: "I don't know I told them you couldn't come to the phone because you were in the bathroom shoving torpedoes up your ass.